Out With the Old, In With the New

For the last week, I have been on a big " Spring cleaning" binge. Maybe binge isn't the right word...or is it? I come from a long line of compulsive cleaners. My Mom and sister are cleaning champs. I on the other hand, have avoided that trait like the plague.

Not to say that I don't have it, but I know that once I start cleaning, I won't be able to stop. So in the past, I would tell myself that I would just have a couple of drinks to take the edge off. That led to a lot of household projects, started and then never finished, as I would do a little work, totter off to my hidden stash, take a nip, promise myself it was the last one, and then pass out before the project was completed.

Now, I am clearing and cleaning stuff that I have been meaning to do forever. I mean, seven years ago when we first moved into this house. It feels really, really good. So good, I can't wait for next weekend to keep going. It's hard to distinguish the difference between compulsion and cleansing, but this is working for me right now. It feels like a way of giving back to my family. Perhaps the organization is a way of dealing with the chaos that I felt and put my family through. I mean, not to say that my house was a total disaster. It's not like you'd see it on a TLC show or anything, but my closets have become mini-storage units, and I have been known to shove a couple of things under the bed and create too many junk drawers in the house.

I do feel in all of this, that in a way it is reflective of where I'm at in my recovery. I'm simplifying my life. Getting rid of the clutter. I've always said that I have an inability to relax. I think by clearing out the house, I'm creating a space to really relax and learn what it is that I enjoy doing. And I sure as hell know it's not cleaning. This too shall pass, but at least my house is getting clean & organized in the process.