Landing

It's been a crazy last couple of weeks. As a high school teacher, the end of the year signals a lot of paperwork and graduation responsibilities. It's all good, but hectic and somewhat overwhelming at times.

This year, we decided to take a family vacation, which started the day after school ended. More specifically, right after I wrapped my classroom, we were on the road. Gone for 9 days, home on a Sunday night, started a new short-term job that Monday.

I'm tired just typing about it.

I only have two more weeks on this job, so I do have some down time and "me time" on the horizon, but with mixed emotions. My husband has yet to find a job. And as much as I know he is doing the best that he can, that he is diligently looking for work, and has promised he will do whatever it takes to take care of us financially, I cannot give up the subtle current of resentment I feel for his lack of employment and putting us in a financial bind. At the root of the resentment is that fact that he has had 10 different jobs in the last 12 years of our relationship.

Welcome Third Step. I know that I have to trust that a power greater than myself is at work here and accept whatever the lesson that is presented for me to learn right now.

Dammit.

My fear will take me to all sorts of places. What if the lesson is to let go of material objects, say... like our house? And as much fear as that brings up in me, there is a small part, a teeny tiny small part of me that knows that even if that would happen, the worst possible scenario that I could imagine, that even still... everything would be OK.

I have been so blessed in my life to have experienced a variety of things that could be labeled Miracles, Divine Intervention or the help and Guidance of a Power or Powers greater than myself, and yet I doubt.

Now that I've landed, I hope I can still myself and find the knowing that exists for me for peace.