I've realized that I have always bought in the concept when people say diets don't work. When in actuality, they do. Diets do work, you just have to stay on them. That has always been my problem. I have always used food as an emotional reward, a self-indulgent cure for all that ails me.
Diets are simply a way of modifying your food intake to achieve health through weight loss or a symptom reversal. Part of my sobriety thought process is that I have made a dietary decision that stop something that has dangerous effects on my physical and mental health. Now it's time to work on the food issues.
Which terrifies me. Stopping drinking hasn't been that hard for me this time around, now that I have a support system in AA. But the food...ahh the food. I fear that digging into this will bring up more than I can handle. I have tried some OA groups around, but as I shared before, I don't really have the time to adopt a whole other program with a new sponsor. I also think that since OA uses the same literature as AA but just replaces food with alcohol, I can use the same tools to tackle this as my alcoholism.
I'm starting a new diet tomorrow, because I need boundaries. I know how to eat healthy, but left to my own devices, I will stretch the boundaries and overeat. I know that my addictive traits will rear their ugly heads and want me to self-indulge. My process with food has been much the same as alcohol. "I've worked really hard, I deserve this."
I've been like Scarlett O'Hara. Thinking that tomorrow is another day, that I can eat away the emotions today and start over tomorrow. But the good new is, I have a program which teaches me that all I have is today, so that's how I'll handle it. My journey of recovery is to find peace. If I have to battle some old monsters in the closet, then so be it. I've reached the place where I can finally say with conviction...Bring it on.
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I am on the road of food addiction and have found a plan I actually can enjoy. I feel good (most days) and I hope the same for you.
ReplyDeleteI do the food-reward thing. Bad day? Eat an entire bag of Cool Ranch. Stressed? The whole bag of Hershey's Kisses isn't that bad. Oh, the stories I tell myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on getting better. Finding things to do with my hands instead of shoving food in my mouth. Taking away the idea of food to assuage anything. It's not easy, though, is it?
We can't lose weight until we deal with the reason we eat. Watch Hoarders. If people don't emotionally deal with getting rid of all the crap, the house will fill up again in a year. That's why diets don't work. We need to deal with the thousand tiny decisions why we pick up the food, chew and swallow. Otherwise we're hiding behind our thoughts, rather than our actions.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous hit the nail on the head. That is what I am doing now. I call it "concious eating".
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you inannasstar, tiny portions of really delicious food helps. The French have it. Take tiny bites and enjoy enjoy. Savor. We shovel because the food is so bland.
ReplyDeleteI know that I have to deal with the reasons why I use food. However, I think that I need a food plan if you will so I can let those emotions surface.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to slow down and be aware of what I'm eating and that I am eating with the purpose of health. know it's not the food and that"s why I am willing to dig.
You got a lot of strength to dig through all these issues! That's awesome,and you should be really proud of yourself.
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