'When are you due?"

The most dreaded sentence an overweight person can hear, and I heard it today. And it's not the only time I have been asked. Now perhaps I could brush it off as just your average asian pedicurist used to dealing with a naturally thin population, but something happened yesterday as well that opened my eyes. I was having a MRI done and when I got to the window to pay, the receptionist said, 'Did you have a sonogram, too?"

Moving to a small town and away from the rail thin population of LA, I was glad to live in a community that had a little more meat on their bones. And I must say, they are many,many people here with more meat than I. But it doesn't take away from the fact that I am at an unhealthy weight.

To be honest, the remark didn't even phase me emotionally. I think that it what scares me most. That I have become so desensitized to this issue, that I am so numb, really shows me how much I am not dealing with this issue.

I wrote before that I was going on a diet. Not really. I sort of developed a loose food plan in my head and followed it. Not too bad, but not really being accountable for what I was eating, let alone what I was thinking and feeling.

So I joined sparkpeople online. Someone at a meeting this morning talked about her fear of and then her action to finally commit to a 12 step program. If she did, she was really admitting she was an alcoholic. I think maybe I haven't really committed to a "food program" or "diet" because then I would really have to say I have a weight problem. I always thought if this time I could just buckle down and really, really tried, I could do it on my own. Much like the thought process I had with alcohol.

So I have signed up. I am giving myself a week to figure out which food plan will work for me. I know that I have certain blood sugar issues and that I can't just eat a random low-calorie food plan. I know I have to eat foods I really love or I will not stay on it. I do love a lot of healthy foods, so it's not like a huge change for me. It's the accountability and consistency that I need to adhere to.

I have family and birthday celebrations next week, so it would be too challenging to start with this in mind. I will still eat healthy, but my formal plan will be put in place. I don't want to start something in a knee - jerk reaction, looking for the quick fix, which is my MO.

So in answer to the man's questions, I'm due now.