But I still thought, maybe I just answered the questions that way because I secretly want to be bipolar. Cuz, that's what all cool kids are these days. Bipolar.
I have a tendency to not believe that things are wrong with me. Like needing glasses for instance. When I was growing up, I thought it would be cool to get glasses. I always imagined that I would get the black, cool retro kind. When I had an eye exam and the prognosis was I needed them, I thought I really didn't need them. Perhaps I had subconsciously failed the eye exam to fulfill my child hood wish. So I don't wear them. Even though when I wear them, things are clear and in focus and when I don't, things are blurry.
Along those same lines, I don't really have high blood pressure, or a sciatic nerve problem. So imagine my surprise today when I finally confessed to my mom that I believe, along with my doctor, that I have Bipolar II.
She sad, "Yeah, I always kind of thought that. I looked it up on the Internet and it seemed like it you had it. Not really bad - just in the middle."
What? I was expecting disbelief, not agreement. And the funny thing is, my mom is pretty depressive herself. After I described the symptoms, how I've been feeling and patterns in my life, she said, " Maybe I have it too."
You think?
So on one hand I was happy to hear some reassurance, on the other, I felt like... shit- did everybody know I was bipolar except me?
The good news is that this is finally making me take care of myself. I can no longer be in denial and I have to accept responsibility for my health- mental and physical. I feel better knowing what I am dealing with and that I can start working on finding some peace in my life.
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