Med Update - Try again

It's been a few days so far on the Lamotrigine, the generic for Lamactil. When I first started taking it, I did feel a little something kick in. It's hard to describe, kinda like more of me was pushed up front. I'm still having feelings of depression and agitation, but I have been under a lot of stress with the holidays and home- life stuff.
I first started taking the 25 mg at night because reports said that it made most people sleepy and tired at first. I wanted to hop aboard that train. But by night 3, after 2 hours of laying in bed and sleep nowhere in sight, I took my sleeping prescription Temazepam. After reading reports that the Lamotrigine could cause insomnia, I've decided to switch to taking it in the mornings. I'm starting that today.
I'm on my medication guilt roller-coaster. This is what happens every time. I reach a place of total desperation, realize I have a huge problem, start to dig my way out of it, then think I'm really OK and try and rationalize my way out of taking medication. Perhaps it wasn't that bad. I think a lot of my med guilt comes from my mother.
My mom never takes medication, even when she needs it. Right now, she has a broken ankle, and after trying to walk on crutches(which she was told not to do) she whacked her cast into the wall and broke two of her toes. The pain is intense and keeps her awake all night. You know what she's taking? OTC Tylenol. That's it. She will just bear the pain and be miserable. Which, I have to respect if that is her choice. There are some people like that, who want to be 'natural" but as I look at her life, I don't think that choice makes her life any better.
My mom is one of the reasons I finally realized that I need medication. Like I said before, she is in a constant state of depression, anxiety and agitation. She snaps all the time when she speaks. When she talks about things, you could say it is always framed in a negative manner. However, she volunteers to house bound seniors and gives to charity frequently and her house is peppered with artistic collages with inspiring phrases, pictures and vision boards. Like constant reminders of how shewants to feel, but can't.
That's what I relate to. I need medication because I have a mental illness. I think everyone can relate to depression or having anxiety or racing thoughts or having trouble sleeping. It all sounds like everyday life kind of stuff. But is it normal to feel completely detached from your life for large periods of time? Or to take 3-4 hours every night to fall asleep, and then wake up 3-4 times a night? I don't know. I do know that my mind isn't only racing thoughts, it's beats and rhythms on and on 24-7. In fact, when I wake up in the middle of the night, there is a song lyric going over and over in my head. Right when I wake up. The other night it was The Boys of Summer by Don Henley. Good song. Don't know where it came from. Perhaps one of my old silver filling is picking up a frequency from a nearby oldies radio station.
So I will continue on with the meds. I have another week at 25mg, then up it to 50 mg. The increase must be gradual to keep from developing the deadly rash syndrome. We're going out of town for the next couple of days. I hope I can relax and get recharged for the New Year.